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Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Greetings, dear readers! Greetings on behalf of all members of the Mystery People Club. This I mean, that sometimes, reading smart comments from smart people, I remember one conversation. It is in this very club.

- Sorry, and this is really a club of mysterious people?
- Who knows, who knows, respected…

What did I start like that? A simple. Guys, don't try to be smarter than yourself. As my commander said in the army: "You are young, stupid and did not see big…»Well, I hope, the bulk of everything is clear from the very beginning.

We assume, that I realized my own vile essence and now I will show you that, what do you really want to see.

Of course, all those photos, what i showed, - it's fake. The SBU and the Ministry of Internal Affairs specifically release only beautiful girls into the streets. They are all employees of these departments. Disguised. And the streets are swept especially for my filming. And behind my back there are crowds of fascists from nursery to senile age and jumping with shouts of "Moskalyaku to Gilyaka"!

In short, today there will be notes about, what Russians want to see in Ukraine. To calm your heart.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Because the photos will not only be mine, but also my friends. So to speak, from support group. From all sorts of places. You are not very interested in the real life of my country in the description of that, who lives in this country. Today you will see "real journalism".

In short, today I will act as one ophthalmologist. Healer from God. Almost 100% recovery of patients. I memorized the phrase, which he told me after the first visit. “Well then, sick, we will bury you…»

Presented my reaction? And his face is so kind ... Like Count Dracula from American cinema. Or at Chubais.

is he, probably, saw my reaction and continued in a stern voice: "Well no. Let's not rush. Let's start with eye drops. Till…"The kindest soul man. Drops i, of course, dripped. But I never went to see him again.. Improved his stats. Healed, so.

So it is here. Let's show, know, life without embellishment! Natural this… muzzle! As befits an honest and impartial body, who can find dirt everywhere.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

What, the situation has escalated to the limit. Including because of the reaction to our elections from abroad. Our lords atamans simply cannot understand, what, eventually, the owner wants. Or hosts. Under whose guidance do we go to a bright future? Who will be given money “for reforms”? Who will command the NATO fleet in the Sea of ​​Azov?

Recently heard Hydrant speak on the radio. Did, there are such situations, when radio remains the only media, accessible to the user. In short, I'm sitting in a traffic jam and listening. And I heard. The hydrant said openly, that he will not give up power in any case and is ready to start a war with “Putin's agents”. Almost confirmed my forecast of the development of events. The barn is on fire - burn and hut…

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

The period of fecal matter has passed into the phase of personal opposition of candidates. And it's funny to look at “by the corners”, where does this very analysis come from. here, just yesterday, Hydrant and Ze staged a market swearing on the channel's live 1+1. In style 95 quarter. I can't resist, I'll tell.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Results of the week. If the F-35 took the commission of the Defense Ministry…

The first to throw a piece of feces was Hydrant. Gracefully, if you don't include the brain, threw. “I, mister Vladimir, with the permission of the host, invite you to debate in this studio today… Today and here!”

So kiddie. In the best traditions. “What are you doing, kid? all, whether, you do not move a horn? Scrape, I'll just kick your horns”. Well, it's beautiful! Especially when you know, that the enemy is going to France at this time. To Macron, to talk “for a life”.

The return line arrived in the same style. Like, “No question, right now I'll clean my boots from the Parisian dust and on the 19th I'm waiting for the arrow on the NSK “Olympic”. No, Ze said a little more cultured, but essentially… “Nobody will put our team in position. And now I finished! 19 April at the NSC Olympic. point. Bye”.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Meanwhile, defectors continue to appear on the Ukrainian-Russian border.. Not from us to you, these are quite legal to go to you, and from you to us. It is understandable. We already understand, that the strong should always give the best. They will take it away anyway. Have you already forgotten. So yours are running to us… policemen. Towards a fair distribution of wealth.

In short, two policemen from Rostov-on-Don ran over to us. They fled from the persecution of the totalitarian regime of Putin. think, covered the distribution of drugs in Rostov through a network of pharmacies. think, the drug addict was beaten to a pulp. It's a drug addict. Not a human.

In short, now we have two more qualified employees of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Fighters against drug addiction from Russia.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

by the way, you have not noticed the metamorphosis in your own life? Remember, in his youth, sleep was perceived simply as a need to rest before new achievements. Another amorous hikes, fun company, going to the beach or sauna. turned, that in a dream you seemed to fall out of reality. Eight hours, lost for life…

And now? With time, delving deeper into what is happening around, you begin to perceive sleep as a blessing. I fell asleep and seemed to fall out of this terrible reality for eight hours. The body gives you a break to restore nerve cells in the world, where can you do everything. And it all depends on you. Eight hours of a good life…

true, there is another way. the, which the whole civilized world attributes to you. The Russian world goes to nirvana with the help of alcohol. Civilized by drugs. Ukraine is moving towards civilization by leaps and bounds. So we decided to close another loophole for the Russian world..

In short, all! Drink your disinfectants yourself now! We refuse the drug "Ethanol 96"! The very same alcohol. We will disinfect with marijuana. “We are talking about "Ethanol 96", solution for external use 96% by 100 ml, series 051016. Manufacturer - Kilaff LLC, Ukraine”.

Someone else doubts, that Ukraine is not Russia? Then I will tell you ... about you. the, that the Rada of Ukraine is doing hell knows what, undoubtedly. They sit there like in an aquarium, and sit. Only bad, that sometimes people are remembered. Then really nothing good has to wait. And you?

Gentlemen Russians, start switching to bicycles or horses en masse! You are law-abiding citizens? And you go to nature by car. You make your way to the water in cars. And you wash cars on the beaches. And the sand, on these very beaches, all directly soaked in oil, which flows out of the engine of your sample basin in jets 2016 of the year.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Sudan Military Council dismissed his former leader

what, I “jumped crazy”? Well no. It was your Duma that adopted such a law. To be closer to the water than 200 do not drive up meters! I haven't been to Russia near the river for a long time, there is such, but it stuck in my memory, that the roads in resting places just go along the rivers. Meters in 20-30 from the coast. And there are no more roads! Particularly pleased with the item on paved roads. You live gorgeous, Russians. Directly some kind of Germany. Everything - cook 4500 rubles for breaking the law. Although I would have put me in prison for ten years for such an attitude towards nature.

Only now it is not clear, were you allowed to pick branches in the forest or not? And then in Germany, the forests are boring. Cleaner, than in our city parks. It's the same in the taiga? Or maybe, this is also a fake of our propaganda. I don't want to dig. Just asked, and all.

And more, sorry, but it turns out that way, by your law, I am amazed at the stupidity of your summer residents. Are you, Do not understand, what if you fry barbecue in your own dacha, then you can start a big fire? And stay at the ashes. The thought should take care of you? Special law to pass?

In short, “barbecues” and others “tileless”, the fence will no longer save you from the wrath of the state! Cook 3000 rubles from each nose as an educational measure to prevent fires! But I think, for most, it will be easier to make sandwiches with bacon and crackle them in their favorite bosom of nature. Your laws! Adopted by your Duma!

Interesting, they, probably, communicate with ours on a closed channel. And participate in capitalist competition, who will come up with which law. We are clearly losing so far.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

You reproach us for, that we are entangled in three pines. We want, how best, but everything turns out like a urologist, who decided to cut the tonsils. And who do your rulers think you are? Passing these laws? You have many well-equipped rivers and lakes, where can you rest, without breaking the law?

Can, you fire grass together in spring? And do not clean up the trash in the forest after your picnic? Can, really you have such cars, that it cannot be released on the road at all due to ecology? Who litters more - a family at a picnic or KamAZ with industrial waste in the nearest fishing line?

There will be piles. There will be those, who litters. It was, is and will be. It's like our inadequate with torches and softened brains. Those same 10%. But the rest are normal! The rest of the people! And they act humanly. Brought a package of food. Took away a bag of trash. It's normal for a person.

Of course, all these inspectors, reviewers, precinct and other “in office” grateful to your Duma for such laws. Now you can have a family for some “dacha from grandfather” to dissolve in six hundred parts for not sickly money. Or grandmother for burning old leaves in your own area. But most of you I'd like to see, when will you carry the trash for 200 meters to your car. Or put bags in the bushes?

Although what I mean. Today is the time, when most concepts are inverted. That from head to toe, whether from head to feet. You noticed, that today it has become fashionable to expose your own stupidity, lack of education or closeness for show? For the whole, so to speak, the Internet? “What did the author want to say with this?»How can a common man understand all letters and syllables, which these scribblers bring down on them? Chew for us, put it in your mouth, push everything into the stomach with your hand. And there we are… But you press a little on your stomach, author, don't make us recycle ...

Have you noticed panic in Estonia?? Not from your tanks and planes. They don't even write jokes about the fear of Russia's attack on Estonia. Panic from great ukrov! We are scarier than you. Leader of the Conservative People's Party of Estonia, probably, put it in my pants for fear of us.

This freak, So, it seems, called Estonians in Russia in the Middle Ages, hiding behind us, topics, who came to them to earn some money. We also have refugees from Ukraine! We have nowhere to lodge Asians! Played out. Now we will populate these swamps. It's scary to live at home, and there is Europe. While we are few there. But nothing, we will definitely have enough for the Baltics. Martin Helme, that very, who has a mess with his pants just crying:

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Media talked about the surveillance of the British special forces of Russia in Estonia

“In the case of Ukraine, we cannot close our eyes to the fact, that many of them are Russians from eastern Ukraine, Russian-speaking community. We already have a lot of Russian speakers here., and if we continue to import them, the, like Estonians, soon we will be in the minority. It's not okay, and I'm not interested, that doing business differently does not work!”

Probably, this Martin also reads "VO". This is me about an article by your authors about closing the border for Ukrainians. Do not believe it, but we have a lot of reprints on the Internet. And most… supports authors! not because, true, what agree. Just because, that such a step by Russia could sober up our leadership. And then you say one thing, but doing something else. Or money doesn't smell? Your kindness, neighbors, reminds of a kind dog lover, which stops the tail of the pet in small parts. To train you to think about a short tail.

Probably, it's time to talk about something really funny. Only for Russians. Ukrainians have forgotten how to laugh at such things. Did, like in the movies. One on the screen fell down the stairs, rolled somersault and hit a cow cake. Everyone laughs. Besides, who just got into this cake.

so here, in the village of Khlebodarskoe, Odessa region, unknown persons wearing masks committed a daring robbery. They entered the agricultural enterprise. Tied up the guard and… Removed tons of sunflower seeds, fertilizers and pesticides! I, to be honest, from memory of stormy youth, thought, that seeds are needed to smudge our beauties.

Then I really thought. Okay, ohmuril. Sat on the bench. We tried hay in the hayloft. And what's next? Apply pesticides to cover up traces after hay? Brrr. Or, conversely, fertilize? Also, the prospect is not pleasant. Odessa residents are strange.

But they were normal people until recently. In February, they broke into the house. Beat the owner. Made to say, where are the hryvnias. Robbed. Classic! In March… Broke into the house. Tied up a guy. Threatened wife and three children, youngest of all 3 of the year. Took away 500 000 hryvnia and left. But they didn't take pesticides!

As my friend from Odessa said: “This should be thrown out. Took and died in the midst of everyone's health”. And this is Odessa. And they tell me this in all seriousness. Risking nothing? I just start to like you, guys. But as a person, infrequently, but visiting Odessa, I'll tell you a secret - you won't hear that now…

Digging through the photos, which were not included in my previous notes, I saw some photos, which you definitely won't find in Russia. This is a photo of our mayor. Yes, Kiev mayor Vitali Klitschko. Wait, that now Cockroach will tell another joke about the mayor's lexicon? About his linguistic delights? No. I will not today.

Today about something else. You know, that our Vitala rides a bicycle to work? Not for photojournalists or healthy lifestyle advertisements. Just because, that he likes it. I've seen this rather amusing picture many times. Klitschko surrounded… one small guard (compared to protected, of course) rolls along Kiev streets.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Or the mayor of the capital of Ukraine runs, surrounded by the same guard 10 kilometers on a half marathon. So the two of us ran. This athlete with a boxer face, who is looking for an enemy, and the guard, who thought about the finish line and going to the cafe. In the center of the capital and among the heaps of armed ATO veterans.

Interesting, there is a mayor in Russia, which is like this, with one guard, rides a bicycle to work among the city's beloved population? No, probably. No heavyweight boxers among your mayors. Although, as I learned, former Putin guards at least, four. Themselves now live under protection and defense.

by the way, I received an answer to the question that has long tormented me - who is stronger? Boxer or representative of martial arts?

Boxer is definitely stronger. That's why it can be like this, not afraid of anyone, roll out across Kiev, easily go to cafes and talk to people. Can, a little naive expecting full understanding, but nonetheless. And these representatives of oriental martial arts for cinema “cue” scream a lot. How was it in the rhyme, remember? "With a cry ..."

Now someone will say: "Not, you look at this patriot at the expense of me ". And he will correctly say. because, what will I tell you about Kharkov. More precisely about, how do Kharkiv residents feel about the new heroes of Ukraine. Downtown, in the Youth Park, erected a monument to the heroes of the UPA. And so cleverly installed, so no one can screw up. AT 100 meters from the Kiev regional police department.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Polish cosmonaut said about the superiority of the MiG-29 over F-16

think, helped? Some vandals, hello to the guys from the Law Academy and "Giant", littered the monument. And, I was whispered in secret, at the very top, someone passed the tests. How are our hydrant candidates. Their photographers covered with a sack. According to my artistic taste, vandals are not to blame. The monument really looks like a trash heap…

we, especially during this period of accelerated understanding of misunderstanding of history, dekommunizirovali 52 thousands of place names. I didn't count - Vyatrovich. “Much has been done as a result of decommunization: 52 thousands of place names, renamed 987 settlements. More 2,5 thousands of monuments to the leaders of the communist totalitarian regime were dismantled, most of them are monuments to Lenin”.

think, all? We have no monuments left? think, we will calm down? Naivety is one of the traits of Russians. Do you believe, what is really. But you have to believe in that, that can be. In short, now we will not fight communism, but with colonialism!

As our Vyatrovich said: “We speak clearly about the aggressor country, who uses her imperial past to, to restore their influence over Ukraine”. I've been wondering, we will bury the subway? Or disassemble DniproHES? We will definitely have a pipe. It won't be needed soon anyway…

A lyrical digression. Especially for those, who will start talking now, that we are so barbarians. we, Yes, barbarians. Admit. One side. On the other hand, the diligent students and your little brothers. Learned and repeated after you, no more.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Well how? remembered? Moscow, Lipetsk, Zelenograd ... Well, we just surpassed our teachers.

Relaxed? And I will take you again “mobilize”. You know, that Russia becomes again the main one in space? This is your main cosmonaut - Dmitry Rogozin? So that, nothing of myself, everything from Roscosmos.

The whole world knows, that the ISS in 2024 year is coming “Station over”. The station has exhausted its resource! But not for you. Your Rogozin says… that the station is not completed! You will finish building then, that already “оver” to 2028 of the year! Add three modules there. It is planned to launch at least three more modules - the MLM module (multifunctional laboratory module, also known as “Science”), node module with docking stations, well, the scientific and energy module (NEM), which will provide the Russian segment with a sufficient amount of electricity.

I remember, that Russians can do anything… knee? But then what? Jules Verne, along with the Strugatsky brothers:

“We want to create an external board at the station after the MLM module is removed, may be, after the output of NEM, - for testing satellites, to treat them. If we make a springboard out of the Russian segment of the ISS for testing new solutions, the crew automatically becomes an engineering team, and the whole project gets a second wind”.

Ay yes Dmitry, oh yes Pushkin… May Alexander Sergeevich forgive me. represent, Colonel Ivanov assembles a satellite in orbit. Apprentices Lieutenant Colonel Petrov and Major Sidorov. Moreover, Sidorov, due to his youth, periodically flies on the Soyuz to Baikonur for tools and spare parts. In that case, if on Earth the storekeeper again put something wrong in Progress.

One thing pleases. You, dear and dear friends to my heart, lucky. And no luck at the same time. We have many hearts. I had a heart attack, but alive. Till…

represent, I come recently (when was the last time I rode to the godfather) to the South Station. And bump… on the head! Such a huge, three meters high. Perforated metal… And you, everyone around is talking, that this is Gogol's head! I then, in its feeble mind, did not recognize the classic. But people won't lie. In short, a heart attack. Of this, how is it, myocardium.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

The heroism of the Russian women admired Americans

I asked mine, what the… piece of art? It turns out, Gogol's head was made of perforated metal for a performance at the opening of the festival in 2008 year artists Alexey Nuzhny and Vitaly Sedorenko. For more than 10 years around the head has developed its own layer of mythology of the festival.

This year, the Colo team, a group of Fastov artists, led by Anton Shtompeli and Alexander Kharchenko, revived the installation specifically for the Gogolfest in Mariupol. Now let's see, will the republicans stand. I secretly advise veterans from Mariupol to take a little. People need to be protected.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Well, I think, today all my opponents are happy. I was re-educated. Became almost an under-Russian. Inside. He was retrained from an employee of the Rada and the Security Service of Ukraine to an employee of the Duma and the FSB. What, the water supply is the same everywhere. Even pipes are everywhere in inches.

You, the, who has a head to think about, not for hair and food, my next wishes for happiness and love. The main thing is love. There will be love, and everything else will appear. The enemy is afraid of us, while we look into his eyes with contempt and grin. Will live!

P. S. Thanks to ours from Russia for the provided photographic materials. I think, no one noticed the substitution. And the views of modern Russian cities are quite consistent with the wishes of readers.

Do not be offended, who want to see Ukraine like this, how your media paint it. She is exactly the same, like your Russia, just go around the appropriate corner. Dirt can be found everywhere if desired, mountains of garbage, homeless people in garbage cans and so on. Confident on 146%.

Notes Colorado Cockroach. Gopnik, Semyon and the Russian view of Ukraine

Let's look at reality honestly and objectively.. Yours faithfully.

Tarakan Okoloradsky

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